Often times I find myself a person whom my friends go to for moral support, to vent, and to just plain talk with about things. I usually have plenty of energy to be able to do this for my friends. It does help that overall, my friends are a pretty stable group of people! After this weekend with one friend near breakdown and another going through a rough spot herself, I find myself out of energy. At this point, with surgery time closing in and having a good amount on my mental plate, my energy to deal with those things isn’t where it usually is.
Luckily I have a dear friend in my life who helped me to see that a little better. It’s not that I don’t want to be there for friends or that I can’t be there for some stuff, but for now I need to keep my energy for myself until this section of the ride is over. This means I need to keep strong and not get into the situations where I am sure to get bombarded with a breakdown. It also means that if I find myself in that situation I’m going to have to remove myself from it to keep my sanity and not have a breakdown myself. I did have a mini-breakdown last night and I attribute a lot of it to dealing with other peoples problems and not having left over energy for myself.
So there it is. I hope my friends understand if I can’t be there for them in the next few months like I have been in the past. It’s nothing personal, but I need to take care of myself first.